Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
