I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
