Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i came on her dog
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
