I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
