I think I died a long time ago.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
