I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
