what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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