there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize