Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
