you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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