all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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