Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
