I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
