How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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