i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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