I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
