Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
