I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
