hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
