You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
