do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
