You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
