when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
