It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
