Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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