That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
