i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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