Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
