had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
