From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
