I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
We got so high we made milksteak
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
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So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
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When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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