oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
