Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
