i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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