:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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