i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
