I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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