Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
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He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
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To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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