Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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