Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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