I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
