i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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