Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
