some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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