I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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