I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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