...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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