so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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