You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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