Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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