GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
