I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
