Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize