if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear on the fireplace
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize