ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
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He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just pee around me
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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