I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
