Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
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I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
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You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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