I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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