i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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