I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
