Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
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So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize