Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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