I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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