I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
