Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
