that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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