I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
