Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
