just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
