I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
