Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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