So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize