Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
