i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
